Kaiba's New Invention
by Killer-Kariboh
Summary: Kaiba invents a device that makes duel monster cards come completely real, and gets Mai to test it. A JoeyMai fic. Other Pairings likely as well
1. IT WORKS!

Disclaimer: I know what you all think I'm going to say, but you're wrong… I definitely do NOT own 

Yu-Gi-Oh!

This is my first yu-gi fanfic, I have written some other shows though in the past though so I'm not completely new to the fanfic writing world, This is a Joey/Mai fanfic, and I probably will bash Tea in it, because she is such a jack-ass! There may also be some other romances, review me with suggestions (try n be original) in it but no homosexualism! One more thing, this fic takes place in the summer so no school!

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Kaiba's new invention!

Part 1: IT WORKS!

Seto Kaiba had just finished his newest and greatest invention, the only problem was he had no guinea pigs to test it, so he went for a walk, thinking about who he could use, plus if it didn't work it could be very dangerous, when suddenly

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CRASH!!

He ran right into his solution…

Mai: Hey jerk, watch where your goin!

Kaiba: Oh, I'm so sorry, let me help you up!

Mai: That's better…Hey, wait, what's with you being nice to me?

Kaiba: I guess I'm just in a good mood today.

Mai: You're never in a good mood!

Kaiba: I finished my new invention today!

Mai: Oh really? Can I see?

Kaiba: Better than that Mai, my good friend, why don't you be the Beta Tester!

Mai (still uncomfortable by Kaiba's overly niceness): Really you want me to test it!! What's it do?

Kaiba (thinking) huh, that sucker, she can be my guinea pig and since she is friends with Yugi and gang she will use it on them and if there is any danger… Well, better them than me!

Mai (waving hand in front of Kaiba's face): Hello? I said what does it do?

Kaiba: Oh sorry I was just deep in thought, well you're not going to believe this but it brings the cards in duel monsters to life!!! By the way here's some cards you can use in it if you want.(hands a deck of cards to Mai)

Mai: Really, won't that be a little dangerous if the monsters turn against us… Kaiba?, Kaiba?

Mai can just see Kaiba running off in the distance

Mai: Weird!

Joey: What's weird?

The Yugi gang shows up behind Mai

Mai: Oh, nothing, Kaiba was just acting nice to me for a minute

Joey: PFFFF, yeah right, Seto Kaiba NICE, AHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Yugi: What did he do that was so nice?

Mai: Well he's letting me try out his new invention.

Tea: That is nice, maybe Kaiba has finally learned to value of the amazing relationship of friends… BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

Joey (whispering to Tristan): With gay speeches like that, It's a wonder SHE has any friends!

Tea: I HEARD THAT WHEELER, YOU'RE GONNA BE A DEAD FRIEND IN A MINUTE!

Tea starts chasing Joey in circles around the group

(A/N: Help, Purple and Pink flying needle monkeys are after me, save me toilet curds! Save me!) Ps. I dunno either it seemed like a good idea at 3:00 in the morning!

Yugi: So what does the new invention do Mai?

Mai: (wanting it to be a secret for now) Umm, I'm not really sure, I gotta go, I'll see you guys later!

Yugi and Tristan: See ya Mai

That night when Mai got home she summoned a few of her harpy lady friends, and they all listened very well, so she figured that the invention was fine.

The Next Day 

Mai is waiting at the restaurant her and the gang were supposed to meet at for breakfast.

Mai (thinking): hehehehehe, I'm gonna scare the pants off of Yugi and the gang (thoughts drifting) I wonder what kind of boxer Joey will be wearing when I scare the pants off him… What am I thinking, I don't care about that puppy… I bet they are white with red hearts… no he is a puppy and don't wanna know what boxers he's wearing… although puppy's ARE cute… NOOOOOO, what am I thinking.

Just then Joey walks in the restaurant, causing Mai to blush a little bit.

Joey: Hey Mai, what's up?

Mai uses a "mind control" card on Joey

Joey: I am yours to command!

Mai (thinking) WOAH! It works (slips card out of machine and into pocket) I better save that one for later!

Joey: Whoa, what happened?

Mai: Oh you just sorta spaced out.

Joey: Oh, so the rest of the gang isn't here yet?

Mai: What does it look like mutt? (summons a harpy lady right behind Joey)

Joey looks behind him and sees the harpy lady

Joey: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

He jumps up, and it literally scares the pants off him, sure enough he has white boxers with red hearts. Mai stares at the boxers, while pulling the harpy lady card out of the device. Joey starts to clue in.

Joey: MAI HOW DID YOU DO THAT!?

Mai is still staring at boxers

Yugi and Tea walk in and see Mai staring at Joey, who has no pants and just at the wrong time Mai says…

Mai: What's the matter Joey, I was just playing with you!

Yugi: AHHHHH, my virgin eyes and ears, AHHHHHHHHHH

Tea: It looks like they became more than just _friends._

Joey: Wait I can explain.

Yugi is running around the restaurant covering his ears and closing his eyes. While Tea is mumbling something about friendship.

This seems like a fun place to end the chapter, how'd you like it. Review's please, criticism is welcome as long as it's constructive. By the way Tristan fans (hah, that's an oxymoron if I ever heard one) he just hasn't shown up at the restaurant yet I didn't forget him, I will probably have evil people and Bakura in other chapters. I also wouldn't mind ideas, I'm writing as I go can't you tell?

Killer_Kariboh


	2. Pants, Who Needs Em?

Disclaimer: Despite the fact that it's obvious by now that whoever owns the wonderful show I like to write about by now, here I am making an ass of myself again by stating the obvious, If I did in fact own Yu-gi-oh (which I don't) then why would I be sitting here in front of a POS computer typing away hoping that the next letter won't be my computers last?

Thanks for the reviews everyone I'm glad you like it. I was so tired I hardly knew I was even writing it. We left off with Tea in her friendship speech, Yugi covering his ears and closing his eyes running around screaming "MY VIRGIN EYES AND EARS", Mai was accidentally making inappropriate comments, and Joey had no pants! By the way Bakura will be Ryou and Yami Bakura will be Bakura!

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Kaiba's New Invention

Part 2: Pants, Who needs em?

Tea: So in conclusion Mai, It is very inappropriate for you and Joey to do such things on the basis that it might ruin your friendship!

Yugi: DID YOU HAVE TO DO THAT STUFF IN PUBLIC!?!?!?!?!?

Mai: No no, you don't understand, I was just trying to get Joey's pants off!

Yugi: EWWWW, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!!!

Joey: Mai, maybe you should stop talking now! 

Tristan, Serenity, and Ryou walk in. Just as Yugi says…

Yugi: Tea, Is Mai done playing with Joey's "Millennium rod"?

Tea: Yep, I hope so, but Joey still hasn't put his pants on! Oh, hi guys, you just missed Mai and Joey doing horrible things to each other!

Mai: Wait a second what's with this "to each other" thing I thought it was just ME playing with his "millennium rod"! Wait! What am I saying, all that happened was…

Joey (interrupting): You sure you can tell them without digging us into a deeper hole this time?

Mai: Shut up, of coarse I can, all that happened was I used Kaiba's new invention to literally scare the pants off of Joey!

Yugi: You shouldn't lie, you said, and I quote "I was just playing with you!" to Joey, admit it.

Tea: Friends don't lie Ma-

Everyone: Shut it Tea!

Tea: There are so many things unfriendly about that phrase. First BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

Joey: Oh no not again.

Just then Marik and Isis walked in as Tristan said… (no they aren't here to meet with the gang, it's just a coincidence) 

Tristan: You guys if Mai and Joey want to do some stuff that involves Joey being pant less leave them be, it's none of our business!

Ryou: And we want it to stay that way from now on! So Mai and Joey next time please GET A ROOM!

Marik: YOU BRATS SICKEN ME, now I'll kill you all! MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Yugi's puzzle glows and Yami comes out.

Isis: grow up Marik!

Marik: NO I'M SICK OF YOU ORDERING ME AROUND YOU STUPID PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A nice, pretty sister. I love you!

Isis: What the hell happened there?

Mai: Simple I used Kaiba's invention to activate the "Change of Heart" card on Marik!

Isis: Cool how does it work?

Mai: It converts duel monster cards to real life!

Isis: COOL!

Yami: WICKED! By the way Mai just so you know (whispers something in Mai's ear)

Mai: Oh, really?! I should try that an him next time- HEY WAIT! (slaps Yami) I TOLD YOU THAT'S NOT WHY HIS PANTS WERE OFF!!!

Yami: *ouch* And I never believed you, (then sarcastically) maybe if you keep on saying it though we'll all believe you!

Mai: I didn't do THAT to Joey, that's sick!

Joey: I'm so confused I don't even know what she did to me anymore!

Ryou: Come on we all know you have got the hots for each other it was only a matter of time!

Mai: I DIDN'T DO IT!

Tristan then prove it!

Mai: FINE I WILL!

Mai summons a "Giant Soldier of Stone" in front of them!

Sure enough they all jump from being startled and all their pants fall off. The jump also activated Yugi's puzzle making him come out again. They continue talking unaware that the "Change of Heart" had worn off. Marik grabs everybody's pants and takes off with them.

Marik: AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Then a waiter comes up to them.

Waiter: We are now ready to take your order, wait (looks disgusted) YOU AREN'T WEARING PANTS, GET OUT!

Everyone: *groan* but that man who just ran out of here stole them!

Waiter: You're telling me that somehow that man got all your pants off except one persons, and got away, YEAH RIGHT! GET OUT OR I'LL CALL THE COPS!

The group is about to leave when Mai summons a monster in front of the waiter who sure enough jumps out of his pants, then she grabs them and runs, it takes everyone a moment to register what happened then the bolt with an angry waiter yelling after them!

Then they hear from outside the restaurant: YOU AREN'T WEARING PANTS?! YOU'RE FIRED!

Serenity: That'll teach him!

Joey: SERENITY, don't be mean. And I think all of you owe me and Mai an apology!

Mai: Yeah, that's for sure!

Yugi: You're right (then notices Tea and serenity aren't wearing pants and has the first impure thought in his short little brain)

Tea: Yugi, why are you blushing?

Ryou (also blushing): Well, think about it there are girls in front of him wearing no pants!

Tea: Oh I forgot! I gotta go home and put some pants on!

Everyone decides to go home and put some pants on.

In order to get into the house with no people seeing them they have a little trouble.

~~At Yugi's house~~

Yugi gets up to the door and realizes he can't let his grandpa see him, then he notices a note on the door saying: Yugi, I had to go out grocery shopping I'll be back soon, Grandpa. Yugi not worrying just walks into the house, then comes face to face with his grandpa!

Grandpa: Yugi where are your pants!?

Yugi: Uh, I thought you were grocery shopping!

Grandpa: I just put a paper on the door and was leaving when I realized I forgot my wallet so I came back to get it! Don't change the subject!

~~At Isis's house~~

Since she and her brother lived alone she didn't worry about a thing, she just walked in.

SNAP! FLASH!

Marik: HAHAHAHAH (holding up the picture he took) Can you say blackmail?

Isis: MARIK!!!!

~~At Tea's House~~

Tea gets home and there seems that there is a get together going on in her living room (don't ask me who the host is Tea's parents or caretakers or something), so instead of going through it to get to her room, she decides to try and climb the tree and go through her window, however when she gets up with trouble she notices that the window is locked so she jumps down, however her shirt gets caught on the branch she jumps off of, and she is stuck hanging there (still with no pants)

~~Ryou and Tristan~~

As Ryou and Tristan are walking home (they walked together cause they live close to each other) a cop stops them and asks them why they aren't wearing any pants, at this time Ryou's ring glows and Bakura takes over and starts making fun of the cop!

Bakura: Hey Jackass, Do you smell Bacon? Oink! Oink!

Tristan: SHUT UP AND STOP BEING AN ASS BAKURA!

Cop: That's it you're both under arrest!

~~At Joey and Serenity's house~~

Joey gets to the door first and goes to turn the knob

Joey: Oh Shit!

Serenity: What?

Joey: Well sis…

Serenity: What?

Joey: We're locked out! And I'm hungry!

Serenity: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Joey: Yes I am!

Serenity: *sweat drop*

~~Mai's house~~

Mai is sitting on the couch, watching T.V. relaxing. Yeah that's about it, not everyone can have something bad happen in that short a time span.

So, how was it? Did you guys like it? Got any ideas for me? I need some! Please review, and I like criticism too! Thanks again to everyone who reviewed my last chapter and good night all! This is five pages on Microsoft work, I think that's more than I've ever wrote even for school. By the way I don't actually know of anyones housing arrangements, I just guessed so don't sue if I'm wrong. 


	3. Revenge is bittersweet well it is pretty...

There's only one thing to do at a time like this! Sorry I am tired and bored and thought I'd update my story after like a year. 

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh as a matter of fact the damn show pretty much owns me, I'm addicted! SAVE ME!

When last we left off everyone was in awkward pant less situations, let's see what we can do from here… MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I suppose I'll go in order from the first problem through to the end.

Kaiba's New Invention

Chapter 3: Revenge is bitter-sweet… well it is pretty damn sweet anyway

~Yugi's House~

Grandpa: I just put a paper on the door and was leaving when I realized I forgot my wallet so I came back to get it! Don't change the subject!

Yugi: Well, uhh, I hmm how do I say this… Mai was trying a new invention of Kaiba's and…

Grandpa: WOAH! I have heard about enough of this. Yugi it is time we had a chat, you can't just go around taking your pants off for girls like that…You could end up with little Yugis!

Yugi: No grandpa, It isn't like that…

Grandpa: No Yugi I know what it is like but you have to try to resist such urges…

~~At Isis's house~~

Isis chases Marik into his room where he slams the door on her and locks her out and him in.

Isis (banging on the door): You can't hide in there forever!

Marik: No but I can sure scan and email this picture to everyone for a little while!

Isis runs outside and tries to get in through the window, only to find that it is also locked, and on her way back in realizes that Marik has locked her out of the house completely and still pant less. She decided to turn to Yugi for help and started walking

~~At Tea's House~~

(a/n: maybe this one will turn out alright)

Tea is able to grab a branch above her and start to pull herself up… As she does the branch snaps dropping her again and ripping her shirt clean off, also making a large thud. Her parents/guardians run out to see what happened, along with a bunch of their friends, one of which happens to be Tea's favorite teacher!

Tea's dad: TEA! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?!

Tea explains the whole thing to her parents… who are completely understanding and believe every word of it.

YEAH RIGHT! Her dad completely freaks out, talking about how her "friends" should not be so mean as to scare each other's pants off, and how it isn't very good of her to walk around town almost naked!

~~Ryou and Tristan (in jail)~~

Cop: Ok since you two didn't actually commit any crimes, I have to let you go… but I will be keeping my eyes on you two, so watch it… and for goodness sake put some pants on.

Tristan: Yes sir, we won't cause any more trouble!

Ryou: No, I apologize for my earlier statement…

Cop: Shut up and get out, before I change my mind!

Bakura steps out

Bakura (mumbling): Or lack there of!

Cop: WHAT WAS THAT!?

Tristan: His slacks are rough… That is why we aren't wearing any, they were rough on our skin (grabs bakura by the arm and pulls him out)

They both go home and get new cloths on

~~At Joey and Serenity's house~~

Serenity: HOW COULD YOU FORGET YOUR KEY!?

Joey: I left it in my pants that Marik took, but I always leave the back window unlocked in case of such an emergency!

Serenity: You always leave the window unlocked in case Mai gets your pants off and the freak Marik runs away with them?

Joey: You say it like it is the first time it has ever happened to you!

They climb in through the window and get into the house

~Back to Yugi's~

Yugi's grandpa is well into his lecture on the birds and the bees when the door bell rings, his grandpa opens it to find himself face to face with a pant less Isis.

Isis: Is Yugi home?

Grandpa: I think you had better come in and have a seat missy!

After Grandpa is done lecturing the two pant less teens he decides he needs a vacation, packs up and leaves to some far off place (hey I wanted to get rid of him). Yami comes out of the puzzle and Isis explains her situation, they decide they need revenge on either Marik and/or Mai, for what they had to go through so they call everyone excluding those two and tell them to meet at Yugi's house. Tea has some problems getting out of the house, but finally everyone shows up.

Yami: Joey what are you doing still wearing no pants?

Joey: Oh yeah I knew I forgot something!

Everyone sweat drops

Isis: Ok let's get to plotting our revenge

Tea: You know it isn't very friendly to…

Serenity: If you say that word one more time!

Everyone looks at her oddly

Yami: Now does anyone have any ideas?

Joey: I dunno but it needs to be good!

After going through a billion crappy ideas they are about to give up hope when…

Kaiba: We could always __________________________ (the blank will be filled when I figure it out myself)

Isis: Perfect!

Tristan: For Sure!

Serenity: Definitely

Ryou: I Like It!

Tea: Ok it is good

Joey: I don't get it!

Yami: Where the heck did you come from Kaiba, and why are you trying to help us

Kaiba: Would you believe that I don't really know?

Yami: Anyway that is a good idea!

So they start preparing to put the plan into action ( that is if the plan needs preparing f not don't ask me how they wasted the rest of this chapter)

The End… For Now

K now reviews, I obviously need a plan, so write some in, and criticism is good, ideas for more pairings is good, anything. I haven't written in a long time don't let my sudden inspiration die! Anyway I am off to bed so good night all! Ps: Forgive me it is late and I had the chicken pox so I haven't slept much in days!


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